🖤11 years🖤 sober from my ice addiction I still had a thought about "it"- 11 years later! I've never brought it to my parent's attention or really anyone publicly except for my very closest, that I was an addict of a dark product. It was about the ritual and the socialising, or so I thought. Until it turned to chasing it alone, even when the friends were far. I've just come out of a mild depressive episode that lasted two weeks, real good compared to two years the last time. But I can't believe it even crossed my mind still, to touch that crystal again. I'm facing myself as lovingly as I can and yet still, all the wisdom in the world I still think of falling low. I hold my head proud today for not having entertained acting on any self harming escape and opted for sitting with the void I suddenly felt. I was in avoidance to the fear, and that took me by surprise those two weeks. I'm much better now, and I think it's because I stuck with me. Inner judge and me had a sit down and we went to my fear party together, turns out the judge was successfully pointing out the things in me I'd not been optimistic about and was downright making them known to me to see if wanted to change any of it or not. I'm feeling light. What a relief, I just needed to choose. But man, scary, for many MANY reasons, and one of 'em is that if I say anything, especially to the ones I really wish to have near, may label me as a threat, to their image, or their family, and to their dream. But I can't control anyone nor do I wish to, so...so be it, if it is meant to be that we are close then we shall be just that.

... And what a relief to actually write about stuff that scares in here, yeah... I remember coming out on topics I'd been too worried to share before and it's a major shower of support from all the amazing humans out there, near and far, so y'all keep supporting each other, here or out there. More than ever. 🤍🤍
Onyx, Bali, 2021

.